William & Kate: The Movie...cheesy bio unveils truth! Future Princess hot (to trot)!



"The movie is so bad it may end up a cult classic," one critic quipped, as he rolled his eyes and appeared to be lament - "Give me a break" - between the poorly-written lines.

'Ya get the drift, eh?

Train-wrecks are tragic, but - even the faint-of-heart are inclined to gaze on with fascination - nonetheless.

Although I haven't been blessed with a sneak preview of "William & Kate: The Movie" - OMG - judging by the dirty rotten reviews it's a Royal hoot.

So, I expect if it is raining tonight in the picturesque city by the bay - or downtrodden folks are snowed in back east in a freak wintry blast before spring finally roars in like a lamb - middle America will be snatching up a truckload of munchies and thirst-quenching  7-11 big gulps - and tuning in to catch what is expected to be ultra-camp entertainment worth writing home about.

What do you expect from a TV MOW quickie slapped together like a tasty ham & cheese sandwich in two seconds flat?

Hold the mayo, please!

The future Princess is on a diet  'ya know?

Obviously, judging from the cries of the critics far-and-wide, there is a distinct departure in taste when it comes to the Yanks on these shores and the Brits across the big pond.

According to one top reviewer - in spite of the fact U.S. critics have been panning the slightly (!) fictionalized real-life fairy tale as a "cheesy chick flick" - it is highly-anticipated that blokes in Jolly old Englan will cherish it because it is so downright "outlandish".

And, you thought the Queen's subjects were amused by dry wit, eh?

The highlight?

When Kate first sashayed down the runway in a see-through dress before the winsome twosome  originally hooked up, Wills' rowdy pals apparently shouted out their approval.

"Kate's hot."

Uh-huh!

Love at first sight!

Of bare flesh, that is.

Sounds like the Prince is just as randy as his younger brother Harry.

At least he has his priorities straight!

See 'ya at Westminster Abbey on the 29th, eh?

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Rain forecast for the 29th?

(Don't forget your rubbers Wills)

Royal Wedding...1900 elite guests await plain wrapper invite! Prince Harry to rehab?

Royal Couple prepares for wedded bliss!

The latest word out of Buckingham Palace is that invites to the much-anticipated Royal Wedding (die-stamped in gold and decorated with gilded edges) - undoubtedly the fairytale social event of the year - have been discreetly mailed out in pale brown envelopes by regular post.

According to insiders (who choose to remain anonymous for fear of being cast out) 1900 guests - in good standing with the Queen and the fresh-faced young couple - have been given the nod to attend the prestigious Wedding Ceremony at Westminster Abbey on April 29th.

Apparently, Fergie - the Duchess of Pork (er- York) - has not been invited (contrary to previous up-to-the-minute news flashes fired off by frenzied media types hungry for gossipy tid-bits on U.S. shores).

To official Royal observers keeping track of the slights on the sidelines - the end scenario for the scandal-ridden former better-half of randy Prince Andrew - comes as no surprise.

"Would you invite an ex-wife to a wedding," one crusty old cynic snidely joked in response to urgent press queries in recent days.

Some of the elite few expected to attend (friends of the Prince, his bride, and her family) include members of the military (a handful of Will's colleagues from the Royal Air Force, for instance), obedient foreign diplomats, European-born Royals (in-laws, for starters), and welcome down-to-earth folks who have toiled faithfully for a handful of worthy charities that the Royals support.

Inquiring minds want to know if Elton John - once a close confidant of Lady Diana - will be granted the rite of passage.

Kanye West (who performed at a 2007 tribute for Prince William's mother) may be a shoe-in, though.

After all, Prince William has been pining for a dazzling hip crowd to be in tow - or so say - my sources.

Are the back-biting cads to be believed?

No doubt - QE 2 - will have the final say.

By the way, the grand old Dame will be tossing a luncheon for 600 hand-picked guests, at Buckingham Palace.

No to be outdone, Prince Charles has elected to also spring for a chi-chi soiree, at which 300 are expected to toast handsome Prince William and his pretty young bride.

By then, the dust probably should have settled on Prince Harry's "wild stag",  I expect.

In view of his dishevelled appearance in the wee hours of dawn just a scant few days ago, can rehab be far behind?

News at 11!

http://www.thetattler.biz




Royals stripped bare in glare of spotlight!